What IS this?

Ever thought of this?

2006-12-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

In the Christmas season I am especially affected by the needs of others. Why? Probably because the media tells me to be. Ok? Fine. I admitted it.

That said, I believe that giving should be anonymous and random. Advised, researched, but largely random. And certainly anonymous. The larger the gift, the more anonymity. Who needs a ticker-tape parade after their donation?

It brings about the question of Altruism, and whether it is actually a positive action, or simply self-serving. It also asks the question: who is more deserving of charity and saviour? A person already bolstered by Faith? A Mother Theresa character in the groove of Saint-Hood? Or a Reformed Individual, back from the path of guilt and neccessity (after a stretch in prison after a Good 'Ole Cultural rap on the fingers.), A Simple Soul possibly? Unable to make sensible decisions in the moment? This might include the cerebrally handicapped, the temporarily insane and a number of lower animals (most of us are in this category, make no mistake.)

Given this preamble, check out the following article:

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Saedia, the blind bear, sleeps huddled in the fetal position in the corner of a small metal enclosure. An angry black dog lives in the bird cage, and the lynx was last seen roaming around a nearby highway overpass.

The Baghdad zoo is in tatters. Looters have stolen or turned loose almost all the animals, and the dozen remaining have been so short of food that lions have been snacking on military rations U.S. soldiers toss inside their cages.

It's a situation U.S. soldiers and aid groups are trying to change.

Soldiers were welding together the shattered bars of the lions' den Monday, while U.S. officials gave workers $20 to come back to work.

The San Francisco-based group Wild Aid gave most zoo employees $10 last week and plans to give each another $10 this week to help boost morale. Most employees had not been paid for two months. The United States has appointed a South African, Lawrence Anthony, to help run the zoo.

"My goal is to bring the zoo out of crisis," said Anthony, who runs a game reserve in South Africa. "We need everything. The looters took everything."

That included freeing almost all the zoo's 650 animals.

Zoo curator Abdel Salam Musa said the only animals not taken were the more formidable beasts, like the lions and the porcupine.

In the zoo now are Saedia the bear, who is 30 and blind from glaucoma; her male companion Saedi; two tigers; seven lions; three wild boars and the porcupine. Some of the lions were brought to the zoo from the palaces of Odai Hussein, a son of the deposed Iraqi leader.

The monkey cages are empty, the turtles are gone and there are rumors the peacock is up for bids at the bazaar.

"They can't keep them in their houses, so they try and sell them," Musa said. "Some animals, like the deer and gazelle, people can eat."

At the zoo, U.S. soldiers with assault rifles stood guard Monday. A sign by the entrance said: "Coalition soldiers are securing the area. If you are caught, you will be detained or shot. Please honor your free country."

After the fighting, angry and impoverished looters broke into the zoo and hunted ducks and peacocks, among other game.

"The civilians that were hungry pretty much came in here and ate everything that wouldn't eat them," said Cpl. Matthew St. Pierre of Steger, Ill.

Most zookeepers fled during the fighting, and many animals went without food for days, if not longer. Some were so skinny, St. Pierre said, "they could squeeze through the bars in the cage and get out."

After the government fell, Kuwait shipped in seven tons of frozen meat, fruit, vegetables and animal feed for the zoo. Wild Aid brought in 125 pounds of meat.

"The animals were famished," said Wild Aid's Stephan Bognar. Now, he said, "You can move them off the critically endangered category to just the critical."

When U.S. soldiers arrived, the animals were roaming freely, and they were forced to shoot a few lions. Three Iraqis were found dead, apparently mauled by a bear, Bognar said.

U.S. soldiers soon restored order and lured the animals back into confinement.

The bears wound up in small cages. Zoo workers can't afford a tranquilizer gun and are afraid to move them. But aid workers also gave the bears a shower, dousing them with a garden hose. Then they fed them a few cabbages.

Other animals, especially the lions, were fed at first by soldiers.

"We'd find dead birds and we'd just throw them in the cage," St. Pierre said.

Army rations also went in: "The ones we didn't like, we'd give them."

© 2003 The Associated Press

I'm BAAAAAACK...!!!!

2006-12-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, the deal is (and I know most of you KNOW this already...) when your computer goes offline in the UK, THAT'S IT.

OK?

I have been pimping my fiance's lappy Apple now and then, but it's clearly unreliable. I have called-in favors (or, favOURS, in the UK) but so far, no luck. I bat .700 for these people, and they STILL can't come over and Fix this shit?

Sorry about the hiatus... but I'm sure you all have better things to do!

Rolla Laydee

2006-09-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

Some pictures from the recent London Rollergirls' parties. Don't you wish you were here? Yeah, me too. I was too trashed to notice where the hell I was...

Only thing missing is the windmill

2006-08-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

Golf with a clog proves hit with the Dutch

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch farmer Peter Weenink strides through a cow field brandishing the essentials for "Farmers' Golf", his cheap and cheerful version of formal golf which has grown from a bit of backyard fun into a serious sport.

The tall cheese maker (DO YOU BELIEVE THIS CRAP???) carefully places a ball on the ground, takes a swing with a wooden clog attached to a long stick and sends the ball flying with a resounding thwack.

New Farmers' Golf courses are springing up almost every week (www.farmersgolf.com) and Weenink said the game he invented in the northeast of the Netherlands in 1999 is expected to attract up to half a million players next year. (THAT'S 1/32 OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!)

"Farmers' Golf was born out of a kind of frustration," he explained. Infuriated by the prohibitive prices and elitism of traditional golf clubs -- golfers have to pass an exam in the Netherlands to be allowed onto the course (AFTER EXAMS FOR BOTH SWIMMING AND CYCLING, WHAY NOT?) -- Weenink decided he had land enough of his own to improvise.

Players use a 'clog club' and complete a round of 10 holes. One of the sport's main attractions is that it is played on bumpy farmland, with cow dung and puddles posing deliberate challenges (REMINDS ME OF A FEW SOFTBALL TOURNAMENTS I'VE PLAYED), rather than the velvety turf of a golf course.
Weenink found just one snag: "Using small (golf) balls in the fields where cows are walking, you'd spend the whole day searching for the ball -- so we took a bigger ball."

SURE. WHY NOT? You'd think the Dutch had more sense and just boycotted the whole ludicris game altogether.

Heatwave

2006-07-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's hotter'n hell in England at the moment. (And don't give me that "it's hot in NYC too bitch" crap because at least you guys can dive into airconditioned offices and stores. Totally unheard of over here, unless you own a car.) My dogs are suffering but they still want to spoon and cuddle -- I mean, what are they, stupid or something? Get off me!

Ebonics be cool

2006-07-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

I'm puttin' this 'cause it be plain 'ol rollikin' fun. Enjoy, fools!

`Twas Da Night Befo` Christmas

Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
and we all had smiles up on our grill
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
well anyway
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo' bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt
Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo red Dawg, you all that!
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
he slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty waitin at home
and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"

For more Ebonics fun, jive translations, etc. visit this site.

More Adoptees!

2006-07-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

This episode brought to you by the letter B.

There's a ton in this section: Johann Sebastian Bach, Ingrid Bergman, Darcey Bussell, Simon Bolivar, Pierce Brosnan, James Brown

Elizabeth Bishop (1911 - 79) poet:
Bishop's father died when she was a baby. When she was five her mother was permanently hospitalized for mental illness and she never saw her again. She was then raised by her grandparents in Canada but also went to boarding schools.
As an adult she lived in Brazil for 16 years before returning to the USA in 1970 to teach at the University of Washington, Harvard, New York University and MIT.
Her poetry earned her the Brazilian Order of Rio Branco, the US National Book Award, the US National Book Critics Award, the Neustadt International Prize for Literature, and a Guggenheim Fellowship. Her books include Questions of Travel, Poems: North and South, A Cold Spring, The Diary of "Helena Morley" and Geography III.

Richard Burton (1925 - 84) actor:
He grew up to become one of the most famous stage and film actors of the 20th century, but his life was saddened by several failed marriages (including two to Elizabeth Taylor) and drink problems. His films included My Cousin Rachel, The Robe, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, The Taming of the Shrew, Look Back in Anger, Night of the Iguana, Where Eagles Dare, Anthony and Cleopatra, Beckett, Anne of the Thousand Days, 1984 and Equus.

Kathy Burke (1964- ) actress, director:
Burke's mother died of cancer when she was 18 months old, and she spent the next two years in foster care with family friends, until she was able to rejoin her (alcoholic) father and two older brothers in a council flat in Islington, London. A proud Londoner, she has a striking Cockney accent and a tremendous capacity for expletives and cigarettes. She's unafraid of being painfully honest about her difficult childhood and still struggles to compete in a world where good looks win you more parts than real talent. Famously suggesting in an open letter to fellow actress Helena Bonham-Carter that she "shut up you stupid cunt" when Bonham-Carter had complained how difficult it was being an actress, pretty and middle-class, Kathy Burke is a people's hero simply because she has fulfilled her potential yet not put herself above everyday folk.

Don't need no title

2006-07-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

Wheee! I'm an Adopteeee!

2006-07-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

What I'm gonna do now for a while is bring you famous people who were adopted. (There's more than you think.) But only the cool ones, obviously. My hypothesis is that adopted folks are somewhat more excellent than mere mortals, having already been given another, second life before death. I'm going to leave the psycho-killers out of this for the time being. Although they, too, are somewhat extraordinary in their own right.

First up: Edward Albee (March 12, 1928) -- playwright

Adopted at 2 weeks old in Washington DC.

Albee on adoption: "I was adopted, so I have no idea where I was born. Close to my mother, I hope."

Edward's relationship with his adoptive mother was not smooth. Frances Albee did not approve of her son's friends, hobbies or homosexuality. She wanted him to act his part in the rich, upper class society. She wanted a son who talked, dressed and insulted people in the proper and correct manner. She was sorely disappointed. Reed Albee, who was slightly younger than his wife, was a theater producer. Reed's father was part-owner in many vaudeville theaters across the United States and exposed his grandson to the artistic crowd.Edward started writing plays and had his first success in 1959 with The Zoo Story. He is better known for his play, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Edward Albee has won three Pulitzer Prizes for his various plays.

He has been quoted as saying that his plays discuss the "responsibility of being alive," and he has a strong disdain for entertainment that is "manufactured to turn our brains into Cream of Wheat."

It's my blog I can put what I want

2006-07-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

School House Rock

2006-07-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

Growing up outside of the USA means missing out on life's funadmental neccessaties. (silly-putty, atomic fireballs, pop rocks...) But before throwing myself a pity-party, I remind myself that it's never too late to have a second childhood, or in my case, a fifth or sixth.

For example, how fucking cool is school house rock? Forget "conjunction junction," I challenge you to listen to this little ditty and not get it stuck in your head all day:

Lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here!

Bad Girl

2006-07-12T03:31:00.000-07:00

Is it naughty of me to have forsaken Blogger and strayed into the world of My Space? Does it make me a bad person? Ah, fuck it, if I gave two shits I would crack another beer and drink until I couldn't remember what we were talking about in the first place. So here's the link: http://www.myspace.com/amstel190
It still looks pretty poor since among other things I can't speak HTML but bear with me.

In other news, my skates have arrived and I'm wetting myself with excitement! Will take a pic of me with my helmet and kneepads on for you all to laugh at.

Happy Thursday

2006-07-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

Little help?

2006-07-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

So since the skates are ordered, kneepads paid for and inbox starting to collect practice updates... I may as well face the fact that Rollerderby might have become part of my life. Who knows how big and for how long, but that's that.

Turns out, one of the coolest parts of joining this whole madhouse is choosing a name for one's self. And as far as I can tell, green as I am, there are quite a few themes from which to glean inspiration: alternative lifestyles, animalistic behavior, household implements, subversive expression, violence and brutality, physical ailments, overt female sexuality, WMDs, post-modern subcultures and, last but not least, corny punning. Or, in other words, names that include the words: mosh, mash, spank, skank, bang, slash, spill, bite, lick, fight -- in conjunction with phrases like: bar-brawl, crash-n-burn, lil' miss, bad grrrl, B52, junk-in-the-trunk and pussy-whupped -- plus a wide assortment of drugs and booze references like: Vi Codin, Mae Lox, Foxy Codone and Anita Fix. (Mega points for including corny puns.) The dirtier, raunchier and scarier the better!!!

No two rollergirls have the same names as they are all listed on a world-wide register.

(If I were still at Sarah Lawrence I'd have my 50-page conference paper outlined, written and published by now!)

Ok, so I've got a few ideas but still no cigar as it were. Anybody have any ideas? I'm stearing clear of things that don't express me (any references to being: "big," as I'll probably be dwarfed by these ladies; "physically inept," this they will discover without my help; "gay," don't wanna get their hopes up) In other words, names that evoke a person who's small, fiesty, boozed-up, pissed-off and generally blagging her way through life.

So let's hear it people!

Shit, gotta go. There's some dude on the roof opposite and the dogs are going nuts.

The ball's not soft

2006-07-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Hey -- if you're squeamish, you might wanna look away now... Ooops! Too late. Here's just some cool injuries Randy and I have sustained playing softball. Enjoy!

Nice Cameltoe

2006-07-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe next time she'll remember to put on some pants.

Do weird things happen to good people?

2006-07-02T03:08:00.000-07:00

So tell me honestly: what's the deal with Rollerderby? Is it kinda cool or scary strange and very dirty? I mean, on the surface, the sport itself looks like fun. But what's up with the whole psycho bull-dyke atmosphere? The reason I ask is because a friend of mine has invited me to join the London Roller Girls and while I'm super-psyched, I'm also shitting scared. The deal with this club is that it hardly even exists yet (not enough to fill multiple teams anyway) so perhaps the sleazy glam-rock punk-slut attitude has yet to arrive. However, the websites from the states are frightening. Check out the Gotham Girls' site. Then compare it to the one from Cape Fear, NC.
Oh well, I suppose checking it out won't hurt. Well, it might hurt, but it might not suck. I've already ordered skates and everything! I'm trying not to get too excited just in case they make me do funny things and I refuse and have to quit and be mad at myself.

Any insights would be appreciated!

Low Maintenance Lady

2006-06-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'll cop to it: I haven't had my hair cut in years. What usually happens is I go out, get drunk, come home and grab the scissors. Snip, snip... tug, pull, shake... and there's a football-sized mound of curls strewn on the mantelpiece. Somehow this works beautifully.

And it sure saves the agro of entrusting your head to some stinky weirdo stranger who looks like they'd much rather be doing something else.

Yay for being curly!!!

Dutch Fans Watch Footie in Underpants

2006-06-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

The following is from today's Guardian:

For Dutch football fans it has become the summer's cult outfit. Over the past few months, a quarter of a million Holland supporters have bought themselves a pair of patriotic orange lederhosen - wearing them whenever Holland take to the pitch in the World Cup.
But when Holland fans turned up on Friday to watch their team play the Ivory Coast, wearing the garish trousers, officials from Fifa were not amused.

The lederhosen carry the name of a Dutch beer, Bavaria.

The only problem is that the Dutch brewery which makes Bavaria is not an official World Cup sponsor. And so, in one of the most surreal incidents of the World Cup so far, stadium officials in Stuttgart made the supporters take their trousers off - leaving many of them to watch Holland's 2-1 victory in their underpants.

"They put our trousers in the bin," said an aggrieved Peer Swinkels, the chairman of Bavaria, Holland's second biggest brewery. "Fans going into the stadium had to dump them in a big container. Fifa said that the supporters could get them back afterwards. But the container was full of rubbish so most people didn't bother. I understand that Fifa wants to protect its sponsors. But this is very strange."

Critics say the decision to make more than 1,000 Dutch fans strip off last Friday is evidence of the extraordinary lengths to which Fifa has gone to protect the interests of World Cup sponsors - at the expense of ordinary fans. Fifa, however, says it has done nothing wrong and is entitled to defend itself against what it calls "ambush marketing".

"It's ridiculous," said Sjoerd Schreurs, a Dutch supporter who had to take his trousers off. "I queued for 25 minutes to get in. When I reached the front, an official told me: 'You're not getting in like that'. I took my trousers off. I managed to chuck them over the fence to some friends. But another official spotted them and took them away.'

"I watched the game in my pants," Mr Schreurs, 33, added. "Fortunately I had quite a long T-shirt."

Mr Swinkels dreamed up the idea of orange Leeuwenhose, or lion trousers, last year. Dutch fans who purchased 12 cans of Bavaria beer could buy the trousers for just €7.95 (they come with the tail of a lion, Holland's national symbol, and two extra large pockets for storing beer cans).
Holland's biggest brewery, Heineken, the official sponsor of the Dutch football association, didn't like the trousers either. It took legal action against Bavaria but lost - after a Dutch judge ruled that fans could wear whatever they wanted.

Mr Swinkels has written to Fifa's president, Sepp Blatter, asking whether Dutch fans would have to remove their trousers again when Holland take on Argentina on Wednesday in Frankfurt. "Since when can a sponsor determine what supporters wear?" he wrote, pointing out: "Orange clothing and symbols are part of the national heritage of the Netherlands."

Honestly, I wish I were a lawyer. You better believe somebody's gonna be looking for compensation. (Also, it's like your grandma says: "Never leave the house wearing shabby drawers -- you might get into a car accident." Now we know she was right to be paranoid.)

Got Ink?

2006-06-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Lately, it has occurred to me that it is time for me to get a tattoo. And Randy, naturally, being a graphic artist, would like to design it. This is excellent news because it A) saves me from having a cookie-cutter piece of *%"*£ that everyone else has on my body forever, and B) we can avoid the whole HIS and HER tattoo thing. Also, no Name tattoos, I Love Mom, etc. Pure and simple and mine. No funny business.

So I've given him two or three symbols to work with (compass, scale, wings) and he has been tinkering away with various combinations and structures. And once I get the scanner up and running (we are still unpacking his stuff, give me a break) I will pass along a few sketches for y'all to peruse.

Randy hasn't decided what he wants yet, by the way, and knowing how meticulous he is, I might have virgin skin for a very very long time.

(The design at the top is so cool I had to include it. If you like it and want to see where it's from, check out deviant art dot com.)

Crispy Weekend

2006-06-06T09:22:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, it's finally summer in England!!!! And after 12 games of softball over the weekend, I am burnt to a *£%$" crisp. Might need to hire a burka until the tanlines fade.

Picture this

2006-06-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm late for work, rushing out the door while trying to extricate myself from a conversation with the electrician. On the pavement I head towards my bike, fastening my helmet and lo and behold ... MY EFFING BIKE HAS BEEN FUCKING KNICKED!!!!!

It would be kinda funny, me standing there, mouth open in time-delay shock, a stupid helmet on... I am, however, not laughing at all.

Go back upstairs for my Oyster card (that's a bus-pass for everyone else) and discover that my gmail account is not picking up email. Or rather, I can SEE the little buggers, I just can't access them. This is still the case, at the end of a long day, and I am ready to do something drastic.

This calls for some swift work with a 30 ounce bat.

Poor Guy

2006-05-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

Bless the BBC. They charge every TV set owner in the UK a mere £130 a year for the marvelous privilege of watching their two commercial-free chanels. (Fortunatlely, there is a small discount if you are legally blind, or watching telly in black and white. Phew!)

Unfortunately for them, they still commit cock-ups like this. This bloke, a Guy Goma from a country whose national language is not English, trots up to the station for a basic job interview and ends up being grilled on live television within minutes. Misstaken for some financial authority, he bravely soldiered through until the slot was over. His facial expression throughout was priceless.

What YOU lookin' at?

2006-05-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

Muppet: (noun) A foolish or stupid person, a general idiot; as in 'Locked yourself out again? You're such a muppet.' Also: muppet-behaviour, muppet-move etc.

On my softball team, at least we get to choose what kind of Muppet we are. I, for example, am one of the old grouchies spewing tart wisdom. (The guy with the monobrow, not the excessive nosehair.)

U gonna hit that?

2006-05-07T05:10:00.000-07:00

It was a nice try, however foolish. Responding to overwhelming demand, a London outfit has finally erected the first batting cages in the UK. Quite thrilled was I. There really isn't a care in the world that can't be taken care of by a few swift swings with a 30 oz bat.
Unfortunately, "putt-putt" doesn't begin to describe the dinkyness of these machines. Possibly they are ok for cricket practice (ie, the ball bounces half-way between the batter and the pitcher) but this is frankly unsubstanciated. I did try standing about 10 feet away from the ball machine to hit some stuff out of the air but given the rain-slick conditions and the prospect of being hit in the back by some other batter this effort was short-lived.
Oh well, at least the publicity photo is pretty.

Yankee Hanky Panky

2006-05-05T05:05:00.000-07:00

Some pics from our excellent trip to New York. The weather was lovely, just what we needed.

Sheisse! Ich muchte wieder Englisch sprechen

2006-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, so there's a big push to get England fans chanting their songs in German at the upcoming Football World Cup. (My god, how likely is THAT?) Reuters reports:

In its package of travel tips for fans at the month-long tournament, the Foreign Office is to provide handy singalong translations on its website www.britishembassyworldcup.com.
[the dude in charge of this weirdo plot reports:] "We are not sure when they will go up on the site and which chants will be chosen."

In liu of this agonising uncertainty, I plan to put my shoddy-ass German into good use. Starting off with one of my own personal favorites:

"Come on have a go if you think you're hard enough
You're going home in a fucking ambulance."

"Komst du shon mal wenn du denkest das du zäh genug bist.
Du gehtst in einen Krankenwagen nach Hause."*

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? Poo. Other than the appropriate glottal violence factor lended by the German I think this plan is a loser.

(*Sorry maasman, I know that's a piss-poor translation. Feel free to mock me.)

Is this even legal?

2006-04-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

The freakshow surrounding Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is seriously driving me mad. What is all this nonsense about keeping quiet while NOT taking painkillers during birth? How sick can this man get? Is he the most self-centered man in the Universe? Very possibly. And then I read this in some English newspaper:

A Scientology insider said: “Tom would have been required to report back about the birth, tell them if it was silent or not and if Katie was given drugs. He would have been asked to hand over notes and recordings to supervisors who will determine if anything traumatic happened to the mother and baby. If so, Katie will be given extra counselling — or auditing as the church calls it.”

SURE that kid needs counselling. But not from those assholes.

We must do something about this obscene situation. Anybody interested in a Save Katie t-shirt?

What about Don King?

2006-04-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

It seems everybody has a fan club these days. Even that guy who was just nominated for "world's unsexiest man" has a fan club. Then again, two nights ago I was watching some show on channel 5 about uber-hairy women and the men who are seriously into that kind of thing. And we're not talking a few spiders here and there; it's full-on, smack-down monkey-suit proportions. Gross? Sure. And yet, truly marvelous. When you stop and think about it, everyone needs a cheering section.

How Scary is Easter?

2006-04-17T02:25:00.000-07:00

This is a German breeding rabbit, supposedly. Ew. I sure don't want to be there when that happens.

Pig Olympics

2006-04-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

Turns out the a Russian Sport-Pig Federation, 100 members strong, organized the annual Pig Olympics this past week. No folks, this is not a joke; I saw it fair and square on Reuters. They do look cute in their little bathing-caps though don't they?

Oh sweet LORD!

2006-04-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

As some of you may have heard, the current reigning champion of the Ugliest Dog in the World contest (in California, where else?) has died at the age of 14. Bless. I hope he's resting in peace. With a bag over his head.

IKEA Stands for...

2006-04-10T14:42:00.000-07:00

I Keep Adjusting And...

It makes NO DIFFERENCE WHAT SO EVER!

Why do my drawers not fit? Hmmm? I have SEVEN (7) drawers that have decided, last minute, on page 40 bloody 5, NOT TO FIT.

MMmmmghrophopgbrrrrrr...

It's cool though. For the first time in my life (not counting my Sarah Lawrence housemates -- no offence, Stephen G) I have a hotblooded male in my house. He figured I'd done the runners backwards. DUH. UH.

THAT'S what we like to see...

2006-04-07T05:08:00.000-07:00

According to the website, this thing fell out of a tree. And yet, they never learn.

Camel Toes

2006-04-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. This site is too good not to share. In fact, according to my somewhat altered memory, I believe it was Mozo who explained cameltoes to me back in High School. Bless.

But then there's this...

2006-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you can really get suckered into loving where you live. After the obscene prices, Victorian plumbing, life-threatening traffic situations, barbaric healthcare,
*the %$*!^£ weather* -- I still adore London. Days like this remind me why. (And if you happen to be on Primrose Hill around 5pm or so, listen carefully... you might just hear the lions roaring in the zoo!)

Slap My Tail and Call Me Stinky

2006-04-05T04:00:00.000-07:00

So, the reason for my prolonged absence is that I literally could not get to my desk. There are now FOUR dogs in my 137-square-foot flat and about £700 worth of Ikea flat-pack. Randy is moving in this weekend and some lady I barely know invited her Doberman to stay over for 2 weeks while she basks in the Antigua sun. The timing couldn't be better. However, the most disturbing thing is that each new dog is bigger than the last one. Soon I will be running a pony-park and petting zoo from my third floor apartment. Did I mention that I'm trying to be an actress???

sweaty sleepover

2006-03-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

Upon hearing the news that I would play host to my employers' two boxers, sleepover-style, Randy decided to vacate the premises. Juggling three fairly large dogs in one smallish bed is a solo venture, after all. Actually, I barely missed him! Roxy took care of the high-decibel snoring soundtrack and Biff likes to spoon. And at a robust 95 lbs, he can pretty much do whatever he likes.

Sexy, sexy

2006-03-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

Canine Hillarity

2006-03-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

I was playing pick-up softball in Regents Park last Sunday when along came this little muppet-looking mutt who immediatly jammed his snout into a mostly-empty styrofoam cup of coffee. Having licked out the dregs, he found he was unable to extricate his face from the container and started pawing it drunkenly. Once freed, he, utterly non-plussed, trotted through the batbags, gloves and such and absconded with a bananapeel. I nearly peed my pants.

We stunk the place up

2006-03-14T04:14:00.000-08:00

It was carnage. Yuck. I hate losing. We soothed our spirits by getting rubberlegged at a nearby stinkhole pub. Full of smokey City-types. Drank so much that we ended up in a McDonalds ordering food we didn't really want. It didn't help. Needless to say. Poo.

Broomball !!!

2006-03-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

Sure, it's a little strange but I'm willing to try anything.
Tonight we are playing the Broomball Semi-Finals right here in the very heart of London!
Basically, it's fieldhockey on ice. Four-a-side. Ten minute intervals. Very good fun if you don't take yourself too seriously. For those of you who are jumping to learn more about this wonderfully bizarre past-time, check out: http://members.ozemail.com.au/~kshapley/ It's fun to forget you are an adult!

2006-03-12T10:57:00.000-08:00

Saw an awesome Yashitomo Nara exhibit the other day. Excellent.

Innocent and angry in equal measure.

Yummy Tactical Weapon

2006-01-11T04:06:00.000-08:00

Pollished off yet another spctacular example of Uncle Sam's fine cuisine. (This time the menu included Chili and Macaroni, hot chocolate and Skittles. Mmmmm.)

I'm sitting on the floor out of necessity: Katrina seems to have washed away the chairs.

The all-important heating element. (Which smells like poop.) Sure it works, but a microwave is better. The box still cracks me up though:

Food, Water and Exercise are Tactical Weapons

And the picture of the little soldier on the left, gripping a gun in his beefy arms and screaming wildly. He's so angry. He wanted tootsie roll instead of skittles.

French Folks

2006-01-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

I've waited years to see New Orleans. After Katrina, I thought my chance had passed. Thankfully, whole sections were spared; including the illustriously beautiful French Quarter. I do not, however, negate those regions devastated by the storm and the suffering of their inhabitants. Having been there, seen the destruction and eaten the emergency food, I have some kind of understanding of the loss of one's history and home and a deep admiration of people's survival.

More Disaster Tourism

2006-01-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

These pictures were taken from the newly-opened coastal road from Bay St Louis to Gulfport. Both towns were obliterated by the storm. In many areas, only homes' concrete foundations remain. Rebuilding has barely begun.

Mississippi Christmas

2006-01-10T05:23:00.000-08:00

Forget New Orleans, Gulfport Mississippi is the real disaster area. My aunt and uncle moved to Diamondhead just before Katrina and were left with a soggy house and not much else. They were the lucky ones though; at least they don't have to live in a FEMA trailer. They did have to eat MREs (Meals, Ready to Eat) for a few months. Yummy! If you should ever come across the box labled: A, meals 12 -24, try to avoid the Beefsteak dinner -- even if it does come with Tootsie Rolls for dessert.

What is the meaning of this?

2005-12-15T04:04:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me now that people rarely start up a blog for no reason whatsoever (unless Sisyphus is their own personal inspiration), so I've decided to title this excercize in futility: "Digging in Dry Sand: My Daily Life as an Unstruggling Actress."

Oh yes. You can just tell he's excited.

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

2005-12-14T04:13:00.000-08:00

Even my canine-charges are bored with daytime television. So maybe a blog will amuse us more. I'm willing to try anything at least once!